Through my eyes Haymitchs daughter
by HGLoverforever
Summary: This is told through the perspective of Haymitchs daughter. He does not have a daughter but i had all of these thoughts. I always wondered what it would be like for her, how much she would know. I just had to write it : Enjoy!
1. The Unknown

_**NOTE: I know Haymitch dosnt have a daughter but I kept thinking…what if he did? How would that all unfold? I just had to write about it :3 Enjoy :)**_

I frown and walk as quietly as I possibly can. My feet need to be in just the right place or all of this would be for nothing. Ever so carefully do I tiptoe over my sleeping father who is laying drunk and passed out on the floor. If one board creeks I'm done for. As I carefully inch my way closer and closer I can taste the freedom, almost reach out and grab it! My hand touches the cool metal of the door knob and im twisting it ever so slightly so that it doesn't squeak. I open it and slide through the small crack in the door closing it quickly but quietly behind me. The wind blows on my face as I sprint across the grassy field barefoot, the feeling of the grass between my toes feels so good and I don't think I've ever felt this alive in my whole life! Father never lets me just have fun and play outside. He says I have too much work to do. I fall on my back and stare up at the pitch black sky dotted with millions of tiny stars. Tomorrow is the reaping but I'm not worried, father was in the hunger games so we never have to worry about a shortage of food. My name is only in there three times! Haymitch, that's my father, never wants me in the games. He says they took away my momma but I don't see how. She was never in the games and he won't tell me how she died. It's hard for me growing up without her but I have Katniss. Katniss is like my momma, she takes care of me when my dad can't. Katniss lets me play and have fun, that's why I like her so much! After gazing at the stars for a bit I sneak back inside but I find a horrible surprise.

"I thought I told you to not go outside. DIDNT I TELL YOU!?" He screams at me a bottle in one hand.

"I just... I just wanted to see the stars…I'm sorry daddy" I murmur quietly looking at the ground

"You don't understand! I don't want them to take you too! You can't let them take you!" he says in a loud voice but at least he has stopped yelling. Take me? What is he talking about?

"Just go to your room Serena." He says in a tired voice taking a long swig from his bottle.

"But dad…what do you mean? Why would they take me?" I ask him puzzled

"Go to your room" He repeats sternly giving me the eye

"Fine" I mutter too low for him to hear. I close the door behind me without slamming it because I knew if I did it would only make things worse.

I plop down on my bed and close my eyes trying to remember all of the things hes ever mentioned about mom and _them._ There wasn't much that wasn't repeated. It mostly consisted of things like 'Don't let them take you!' or 'It wasn't her fault! It was mine!' I got a lot of this from when he was drunk so I didn't know how reliable it all was.

I just had to find out what has been plaguing him like this. It was killing me to not know! Whenever I would ask Katniss or Peeta they would change the subject quickly. It was all so frustrating and I wasn't sure what I was to do. I knew that I need to get some sleep and get ready my stuff ready for the reaping tomorrow but I just couldn't. My mind was in hyper drive as I tried to figure out the whole mystery with my father Haymitch Abernathy and my late mother Cassie Matthews. I decide to go over the story from the very beginning, my birth.

I was a child born out of wedlock. My parents were only 15 when they had me and it was the scandal of the century! They worked very hard though, to raise me. My grandmother, also late, watched me while my parents went to school and worked so they could support us. When I was just a year old my father was picked for the hunger games. It was very hard on my mother and grandmother from what I was told, they didn't think he would make. They were proven wrong though when he indeed became victor. He won in a clever way; he knew if he ducked the axe would come back and kill his last opponent. A month after my mother was killed. I'm not sure how though, no one will tell me no matter how many times I try to ask! My grandmother died a month after my mother and my father had no one left. I assume she died from old age but I'd never asked so I didn't know that either. I was missing a lot but it was something to work with I think. I might be able to weasel a few more things out of Katniss and Peeta if I tried hard enough. All I could do was hope that I could figure this out. How bad could it be? My father was a victor and victors were treated with respect! At least that's what I had learned in school. I needed to find out who they were. I change into my pajamas and lay out my reaping clothes, a simple white dress with silver embroidery. This used to be my mother's reaping dress. I frowned and got out some sandals to wear with it. I brushed my teeth and shut out the lights climbing in-between my covers. I had so much to think about. I could solve all of it after the reaping though so I needed to get to sleep. I calm my mind down by reciting the song Katniss had taught me over and over in my head. It wasn't long before I drifted into a sleep filled with the unknown.


	2. The Reaping

I awoke in the morning, my internal alarm clock going off. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and stretch yawning quietly. I quickly brush my hair and get dressed not wanting to be late for the reaping. The last things I need are the peacekeepers coming in here and demanding why I'm not there. Yes that has happened before. I frown slightly as I descend the steps to the kitchen.

"Dad?" I call out tentatively

As I peer around the corner I see him sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. I walk over to him and try to pull his hands off his eyes "Dad, its reaping day. We have to go, come on" He does not budge and I tug on him harder trying to get him out of his stupor.

"DAD, THEY WILL COME FOR YOU IF YOU DON'T GET UP." I scream it right in his face to see if it would arouse any kind of emotion. I saw fear flit briefly across his features and he sat up suddenly ridged.

"When!?" he asked me with a crazed look in his eyes "When are they coming for me!? Are they coming for you too? I knew this was coming" He got up suddenly and started pacing frantically.

"Dad calm down! I was just pointing out that if I'm not there soon the peacekeepers will come looking. Do you want that to happen again?" I ask him forming my words slowly. Last reaping my dad was very drunk and I was too afraid to go without him. I soon learned that it didn't matter if daddy came or not because they would come to me and that was never good. I'm just lucky that they didn't throw both of us in jail right then and there.

He sighed heavily and nodded obediently moving to his room sluggishly. Sometimes I felt like more of an adult than just a fourteen year old.

I walk into the kitchen and make some toast for us even though dad probably won't eat. He never does on reaping day. As soon as the toast pops out of the toaster I grab it and set it on some napkins buttering it while its hot. I watch as the butter melts slowly and seeps down into the bread when I suddenly hear my father behind me.

"You look pretty." He says sadly. I frown and say

"Then why are you all depressing? What are the chances I'll get picked anyway? There are lots of kids here in district twelve with their names in there plenty more times than mine plus, I'm only fourteen."

To this he only shakes his head sadly muttering something about how I will never understand. As he tries to turn away I step in front of him holding the buttered toast in front of his nose "Can you eat please?" I ask him sweetly. Then like always he shakes his head and pushes past me calling out over his shoulder that we needed to get going.

I eat my toast in four bites and follow after him out of victor village and through the seam. The kids here look starved and their ribs showed through their skin on some. I felt a bit of bile in my throat as I thought about living in these conditions, not knowing when the next meal would be on your table. I look around me and see the eyes of the starving looking back at me with hate and jealously. I knew I was much better off than them. I had food and power and running water and they had nothing. I felt ashamed then walking around in my fancy clothes and well fed while these poor people were out here bone thin. I vowed then that I would make some kind of contribution, I didn't know how but I had to.

When we finally made it to the finger pricking table my father pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back, even though he smelled like sweat and liquor. I knew how hard this was for him.

"Good luck" he said quietly, tears welling up in his eyes. I nodded my thanks and turned to get in line with the other kids.

It wasn't long before I was standing in the area roped off for fourteen year olds waiting for our representative from the capitol to appear. I looked around me and wondered who it was going to be this year. Which of these kids were going to die?

I was pulled from my thoughts when Effie walked briskly onstage. I was appalled by her fashion choices this year and I even heard some gagging nearby. Effie stood out like a giant sore thumb that was way too stubborn to heal. She had on big flashy orange heals that had to be at least 7.5 inches, the blouse she was wearing was the same disgusting orange except it had what almost looked like noodles sewn in various places on it, and finally her skirt was a bright fuchsia with glitter everywhere and giant jewels sewn into the hem. My mouth fell open in distaste but I quickly shut it not wanting to attract attention to myself. While I was…admiring her outfit Effie had started her speech and just like the year my drunken father had basically attacked her, her orange wig was veering slightly right. I giggled quietly to myself as I remembered that, at the time I was beyond embarrassed but now I was able to laugh at the memory. I looked over at my dad nervously but was relieved to find him in his seat, sitting down, looking all sobered up.

The speech was over and I heard Effie say "Ladies first!" like she says every year. I see the nervous faces surrounding me and I almost feel guilty that I'm not reacting. I stare at Effie as she reached her bejeweled hands down into the giant glass bowl that was filled with slips. She pulls one out carefully and slowly and I know that no one is breathing waiting to see whose life will abruptly end. All eyes are locked on her she starts her meaningfully slow trek back to the mike. When she gets there she gives everyone a deep stare and then she opens the name slip reading it and smiling with glee.

"Selena Abernathy!" Suddenly everyone's gazes are locked on me and I know that my mouth is hanging wide open but I don't care this time.

"Come on up here dear! This is wonderful! A tributes child, who would have thought!" She shakes her head as if it's the best thing in the world and I can feel the peacekeepers pushing me so I go. I look at my father and se that he's already falling apart. The one thing I told him would never happen just did.


	3. The Reaping (Cont)

_**Hello all! Yes I know, I haven't updated in at least four months or something like that. I had this ordeal with my password and I got it to work today :D Im happy about that because I really enjoy writing this. I know this probably wont get many views but im only writing this for my own enjoyment :) I hope someone out there can enjoy it reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**_

_**Thanks for reading 3**_

_**~ Taylor**_

There is always a moment in life when everything stops and you feel like it's in slow motion. You know that something extremely bad has happened yet you don't know what's going to happen next. I know though, I'm going to go to the hunger games and I am going to die. My father, Katniss, Peeta, all of the friends I ever made are going to be forced to watch me. I might commit murder but one thing I am certain of Is that I am going to die.

The first place my eyes go as I am being pushed onto stage is over to the chairs where Peeta, Katniss, and my dad sit. My father's face is one of pure heart break and disgust. I feel myself becoming sick as I look at him and I know that he knows too. Then my eyes fall on Katniss and I can tell shes holding back tears. I think of her as a mother and I even think that she looks at me as almost a daughter. Im also breaking her heart now because that's one thing she never wanted. She never ever wanted to see one of her kids stand up here on this stage and know that they might not make it. Finally I look over to Peeta and see that he has a look of extreme sadness on his face. I never knew him as well as Katniss but I heard of how he talks of the nightmares both of them have, how they wake up screaming night after night remembering those horrid moments in the arena. I know that he never wants that for anyone.

My eyes stray back over to the crowd as I go and stand next to Effie. Time to see what unlucky boy will die with me. I keep a straight face just like Katniss and Peeta and all of the other tributes I have ever seen before. Never show weakness. That's one thing that I did pick up from being forced to watch the nasty slaughters on TV.

Effie says then "Time to pick a boy tribute!" She sounded so happy and care free. At that moment I hate Effie and her happy go lucky attitude. How does she not see that we will die and that that is wrong? That twenty-three of us are going to die and the last one standing will forever have to live with the blood of the opponents on their hands?

She all but skips over to the boy's ball and sticks her slim hand into it searching around for the perfect card. Suddenly she pulls her hand out and holds the slip close to her as she walks 'gracefully' back to the podium.

"And this year's boy tribute is…" she opens the card and reads aloud "Emerson Phillips!"

My mouth almost falls open but I restrain it. Emerson? It couldn't be the same Emerson that I was best friends with in 3rd grade. I look out at the crowd and search for him and then I see that it is indeed the same Emerson. I suppress a sigh and look forward. Maybe district 12 did have a chance! Emerson was strong and im sure he would have a good chance, compared to me. I was weak, short and had no idea how I was going to make it through training. I kept the emotions locked inside me and looked out at the crowd with a bored expression trying really hard not to show them the scared girl that was hiding underneath the mask.

_**Oh and one last thing to anyone whos reading: **_

_**Do you think these chapters are too short? I cant judge wether they are or not :)**_

_**~ Taylor**_


	4. The Decision

**_Hello again guys! I can't tell if this is one of my best chapters but I tried! Im not sure how often im going to update. It will not be over a month but it won't be every day. Probably like once every couple days and once every 3 weeks at the most :) I spend multiple days writing these because I want to try and make them as perfect as possible! Love you guys! _**

**_~Taylor_**

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It's not long before they take us to the Justice building so that we can have our last goodbyes. I sit on the same velvet chairs that so many before me have sat on and never come back. I hold back tears and twiddle my thumbs as I wait for them to let my father in.

It's been about fifteen minutes and still no one has come in. I was starting to get concerned; usually they would already have us on the train, ready to be shipped to the Capitol. Next thing I know a peace keeper comes in and informs me that there was an incident involving my father. I stand up quickly demanding to know what happened. "Your father was quite angry about you being selected. He pulled a knife on a peacekeeper and tried to come running in here so that he could 'help you escape'." He shrugged "He won't be punished since he is obviously intoxicated. He also won't be permitted to come in and say goodbye but he left a letter for you. " He handed me an envelope and I nodded my thanks "We'll just have to keep an extra eye on you to make sure that whole escape plan wasn't for real." He narrowed his eyes at me and left the room shutting the door tightly behind him. I shook my head and fell back onto the soft velvet, deciding to wait till I was on the train to read what my father had written me. I can't break down here, with all the cameras. My mind started working as I relaxed and I realized something that kind of ticked me off. They weren't sparing him from punishment because he was intoxicated! They weren't punishing him because he was a victor and they would probably get a lot of shit from the Capitol about it! I immediately reprimanded myself for cursing, even if it was in my mind. Sure my dad cursed a lot, but that's the point, I didn't want to have a sailor's mouth like him. Besides I should be happy he was getting away with it. It just makes me mad that normal people would have probably been killed for it. I sighed and pulled myself back together.

It wasn't too much later when Katniss came in the room. I stood up and embraced her, thankful that someone was able to come in. As she embraced me a million emotions hit me at once. Katniss was the closest thing I had to a mother and now I was being ripped away from her. "Im going to miss guys so much." I muttered into her shoulder. She immediately stiffened and pulled me away so she could look me in the eyes. "We are counting on you to win. With our help you can do it. We know you can, you have so so so much potential." I started to look away but she made me look at her. "You have to try. You can't shut down or stop trying. Okay? Do you understand?" I nodded and knew she was right. "You cannot be like my mother when my father died, okay?" she said this a little softer and I knew that I was reminding her too much of the day she left for the games. The day she told her mother that she had to get out of her rut and take care of little Primrose. "Okay Katniss, ill try my best. I promise." I gave her one last long hug and the peacekeepers came in saying that our time was up.

Next was Peeta. We didn't hug at first; we just stared at each other. I could tell he wanted to cry and he could probably see the same in me. We never really talked but we had this strange emotional connection. It wasn't anything romantic, it was kind of like a sibling thing we had going on. He had always protected me like he was my big brother. I gave him a hug and he said "Me and Katniss will be looking out for you. We will do everything we can to help you, we'll also make sure that your father is taken care of, alright?" I nodded. I had almost forgotten that they were going to be my mentors. I had a bit more hope than before, knowing that they would be looking out for me and my father. We talked a bit more and the peacekeepers came in and told us that we were leaving now. I nod and stand up preparing myself to be in front of all the cameras.

They all but push us on the train and the cameras take an enormous amount of photos. I try not to meet Emerson's eyes because I don't want us to be like we were back then. When we used to tell each other everything and I would have trusted him with my life. It was different after fifth grade, I became popular and he became a different person. Someone who was so much different than the Emerson I had once known. We grew apart and I was never quite as close to anyone as I had been to him. I have to admit that I was sad for a long time when we stopped being friends, I had missed the times that he would come to my house and we would just hang out and talk.

I shook the past from my mind and followed the avox to my room. As I stepped inside I was astounded by the beauty of it. Everything looked so high class, and posh. It must have cost thousands just to _furnish _it. The carpet was big and fluffy; the walls were wooden and encrusted with gold, and don't even get me started on the furnishings. The bed linens looked so crisp and clean but perfectly comfortable at the same time. I move over to them and run my hand along them. I was astounded by how soft they felt! It was utterly amazing. The desk and dresser they had in the room looked very high tech and you just had to select certain things and it would give you whatever you requested. Even food! The bathroom was magnificent, with a whole wall dedicated to a mirror and a shower that had millions of buttons. This was so amazing! Was this how it felt to live in the capitol? I rolled my eyes, they get everything. They never have to worry about being sent to the hunger games, they never even have to worry about going hungry. In fact they never have to worry about anything! I thanked the avox and sit at the desk looking through all the food choices. They had so many that it was overwhelming! It was disgusting too, my district was slowly starving to death and they had all of this food at their fingertips. This just made me want to win more. If I won my whole district would get enough food to save hundreds of lives. That was when I decided that one of us had to win. I had to make absolutely certain one of us made it. I never really thought about all the people in the seam but now I was and it was consuming my mind, I had to help them, even if it was the last thing I would ever do.

**_As requested by SafeEyesOpen, this chapter is dedicated to her. LOVE YOU GURL ;o XOXOXO_**

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**_So what did you guys think? Was it good or does it need improvement? Tell me the truth so I know what I need to fix! Just make sure its constructive ;) Thanks for reading!_**

**_~Taylor_**


	5. Just an explanation

Hey guys it me. Im so sorry i haven't been updating this but i really don't want to put something out there that isn't too great. To be able to write something i have got to be in the right mind set and feel the story, if you know what im saying. Lately i just haven't been feeling that and maybe its just got to do with the fact that i have so much going on right now that i cant even thing about some things straight. And the worst part is that i had almost a whole chapter written and the computer that it was on died. I really need to learn to keep my stuff on flash drives :P Im just updating with this message to let you know that im still going to be doing this story, but for now its on hold.

I do have some good news though! I have recently written a short story (Consisting of 3 chapters) that i will be posting soon. I don't know if people are going to like it because i guess its kinda sad. Im going to post it anyway just because i feel like i need to get back into this :) The title is going to be Fading Hope and i will be posting it within the next week or two depending on how much editing iv got to do. I think i wrote this at like 1 in the morning so most of it probably doesn't make sense xD I'll talk to you guys soon!

Love, Taylor.


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